sometimes i hate myself. yet i preach body confidence. am i a hypocrite? it runs through my mind like thoughts of them. i hate myself because no matter how many time i look in the mirror im so disgusted and yet if i started losing weight i know i wouldnt want to stop until im one of my beloved skeletons. a skeleton in their closet what a funny thought. 

everytime my hip bumps a desk at school trying to get through i literally get sick to my stomach and i want to curl up and cry because their reactions are as if i just said something disgusting although the truth is i am something disgusting. As a kid i used to think of going downstairs, grabbing the scissors and cutting my fat off, if only it was that simple. 

how can i lie to everyone. lie to myself. say i love myself that everyone should love themselves when i cant even truly love my own self.